On Private Equity

For The Fence (No.26) — The Big Bang, Big Finance and What it Did to British Restaurants

Just one of Paul Cox’s fabulous illustrations for the article…

“When having lunch at Sweetings, you sit behind bar which a waiter is trapped, you order your smoked eel, they yell to a runner who delivers your eel over your shoulder to the waiter, who then places it under the counter and then in front of you as if they had it all along. Not an entirely practical way of getting your food, but a splendid eating ritual, and a wonderful lunch.”

– Fergus Henderson, Nose to Tail Eating

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Whose afraid of Private Equity? As of last October, the IMF, but the British Press have been sounding the alarm for much longer, The Guardian fulminating about its slash and burn tactics, The Spectator saying it’s ruining the country while Bloomberg and City AM have stuck with the culinary metaphors, accusing Private Equity of eating and swallowing the UK wholesale. The story goes they’re like some Rabelaisian monster with appetites that aren’t constrained by most people’s dietary scruples, let alone those of most publicly traded companies. But also like Rabelais’ giants, sometimes they get a bad case of indigestion and have to sit down for a while. Right now, Private Equity is having a remarkably difficult time trading its wares, especially when it’s restaurants they’ve been feasting upon. You know, like the Wolseley, Dishoom, Soho House, Gails, J K Sheekey, Wagamamas, Busaba Eathai, Franco Manca, Pizza Express, Brasserie Zedel, Quaglino’s, the Real Greek, Lina Stores, ASK, Cafe Rouge, Pont de la Tour, Pret, Bao, Byron Burger, GBK, Carluccios, Prezzo and…well, I think you get the picture. That list keeps on going. But is this the very same story we’re so used to hearing about finance’s hungriest children?

The reason for that gratuitously long roll call is that I spent six weeks researching and writing ‘Whining and Dining’ for The Fence, an article about Private Equity, financialisation + UK’s restaurant scene and it’s just emerged beyond the paywall. The basic premise is that we’ve all heard the party line about British food. It was really, really bad and then suddenly, it wasn’t. But what we talk about less is that the conventional narrative — the seas parting in 1987, whereupon in waltzed the good stuff — dovetails almost perfectly with Private Equity gaining a hold on the British economy. Is that a coincidence? No. Was it a good thing for British food? It’s complicated. But most importantly, what does it all mean for your dinner?

I interviewed around 25 people, including Jeremy King, Jon Spiteri, Margot Henderson, Gemma Bell, lots of other London restaurateurs, commercial property agents + a host of PE bigwigs to find out. So don’t be lazy, click on the link. See how Fergus Henderson’s above description of the Sweetings lunchtime choreography works just as well for the financial acrobatics that take place there. Also, if the notion of Black Velvet and Nose-To-Tail Eating appeals, not for a lunch but for dinner at Sweetings, I’ve got some more good news. My wife and the Offcuts team are putting on a fabulous five-course dinner at Sweetings on the 9th of February and you can get tickets.

That’s enough from me. Enjoy!